not giving up hope.

I am a RN and a Public Health Nurse at that. Much has changed in the last few months. I survived the NCLEX - board exam and found a job (unlike many, many other classmates in this economy).

I am a RN & Public Health Nurse & a School District Nurse. I feel the need to write it twice because sometimes it's even hard for me to believe.

My district is very interesting and I am the only nurse for dozens of schools. The area is poor, inner-city, with regular gangs & violence. 98% of our students are on free breakfast & free lunch programs. For the majority, English is their second or third language and many are from immigrant families. And, we have some of the lowest test scores in the state.

At first, I found it hard to believe that this community was so different from other areas I've been or taught. But, the more time I've spent there the more layers and layers of sad stories I see. Things that wouldn't be tolerated elsewhere.

Everyone has a story.

I drove home in tears today. Many days I feel so torn. I want to blame someone. Some days I want to blame the parents who leave their 3rd grade kid for 3 hours by himself waiting outside of school to be picked up with no supervision in an area with a high crime rate. But, it's not always easy - they are working a minimum wage job and struggled to find work and if they don't work they end up on the street and if they leave early to pick up their kid they lose their job and the after-school program is completely full because other families are in this situation; only they were more fortunate because they signed up first. Of course, there "should be" other solutions - leave their kid with a family friend, family member, or ASK FOR HELP... but many are scared to be deported if they ask for help or they aren't educated & think this is okay because this is the way life was for them growing up.

I know of families of 10 living in a tiny garage. Others on the streets. Disconnected phone numbers or phone numbers that change on a weekly basis. MANY kids who don't eat dinner whose only food is the shit - the absolute shit - that the school cafeteria feeds them for breakfast and lunch. Others with students with medical conditions that can't afford large diapers (but they get babies diapers for free) so their child ends up with drenched pants by the end of the day because their diaper doesn't fit. Parents who can't afford to take their kid to the doctor - yes there are free resources in the community - but they don't have the money for the bus or they can't take time off work or, or, or. Sometimes these excuses seem lame to me but then I realize that many are struggling just to survive. To keep their family of 8, or 10, or 12 people together.

But it makes me livid. Education is the answer out of this (to me). And some days I wonder why some of these parents don't see it. Pulling your kid out of class for 3 weeks because they have a rash and they can't come back until they have a doctor's note isn't going to help. There is no such thing as "room parents" here. Schools have tried but parents just don't want to/can't (for whatever reason) be involved.

Sadly, many teachers have checked out too. They're done. They're exhausted. Some teach their lessons both in English and Spanish. Another thing I am torn about. I can't imagine being in a class not knowing a word of what is being said but at the same time is it a disservice to the kids? Will it be harder to learn English when there is less of an incentive to learn?

Then there's the middle school girls that are pregnant. Not just one or two. And, the kids that came to school with crack, cocaine, and a gun.

So many layers. so many factors. so many sad stories. my head is always spinning; i needed to purge it and record some of its randomness in this writing.